A sentence I read in a book has had me thinking about something I think should be a strong value for pastors (and all Christians).

We should have a basic concern for the truth. 

We should not say things that obscure the truth.

I’ve been thinking about this as a result of reading Thomas G. Long’s Accompany Them with Singing: The Christian Funeral. 

(Though this post is focused on something that is largely tangential to this book, I want to say that this is a really good book. I recommend it for thinking about death, funerals, and memorial services.)

I chuckled when I read this sentence:

“If that is what he meant, his words have the disadvantage of not being true.”

Here is the broader context for this quote:

The pastor’s affirmation that the deceased would “never be forgotten,” though commonly said at funerals, is also ambiguous. Probably he meant to offer comfort by implying that, even though the deceased is now dead and gone, not all is lost, because the memory of his life and good works will live among us always. If that is what he meant, his words have the disadvantage of not being true. Cemeteries are full of the graves of people no one remembers any longer. If the deceased are of value only if we the living can keep their memory alive, then we are to be pitied. As the psalmist truly says, “As for mortals, their days are like grass; they flourish like a flower of the field; for the wind passes over it, and it is gone, and its place knows it no more” (Ps. 103:15-16). [p. 97]

Long points out the way in which the sentence is not true either practically or theologically. 

You don’t have to think very hard about the idea that someone who has just died will “never be forgotten” to realize it is untrue. People say it because they believe it will be comforting. But it isn’t true. And that is actually a big deal.

We should not try to comfort people by telling them things that are not true. 

Though doubtless well-intentioned, the statement is also theologically problematic. Long continues:

“The gospel does not place the burden on the living to keep alive the spiritual flame of memory. Rather, it affirms that the deceased is now raised to new life and sings in the great choir of the communion of saints standing in the presence of God. Only in this way, only in the life of God, is the deceased “never forgotten.” [p. 98]

One of the most important roles of a pastor is a persistent determination to tell the truth and point people away from confusion, deception, and outright lies.

This is easy when we catch someone telling a lie to hide the truth in an intentional way. Most people still know that is wrong.

The more pressing challenge is to think more carefully about what we are saying about reality and ask if it is really true.

Too often, the things that are said by Christian leaders sound nice and there is a syrupy and superficial promise of bringing comfort.

But they have the disadvantage of not being true.

Pastors should be more like medical doctors in this regard.

If your doctor discovers that you have a serious illness, they will tell you even though they know it will make you feel bad. They don’t do this because they like it. They do it because it is their job to tell you the truth about the reality of your health.

Too often, especially in mainline Protestant contexts, pastors have acted as if their highest calling was to make people feel better.

But, again, this has the disadvantage of not being true.

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Kevin M. Watson is a Pastor and the Senior Director of Christian Formation at Asbury Church in Tulsa, OK. He is also on the faculty at Asbury Theological Seminary, anchoring the Seminary’s Tulsa, OK Extension Site. His most recent book, Doctrine, Spirit, and Discipline describes the purpose of the Wesleyan tradition and the struggle to maintain its identity in the United States.Affiliate links, which help support my work, used in this post.